dissappearing people

It's odd how some people will just up and disappear or cut you out of their life for no apparent reason. There was no warning or indicator that it would happen or any notification from them that it did happen. You just notice one day that, they've surgically removed you as a friend or someone they once cared about. It kinda stings, especially when you've shared a part of your life with that person, when you were once very close and spoke with them often.
I hope whatever reason they felt they needed to remove me it wasn't because of anything I did. If it was I hope they'll forgive me for my indiscretion whatever that may be.
*sigh* ces la vie

hmmph

I haven't slept in 28 hours... I probably wont sleep until tonight and I don't know if it's the combination of stress from finals on top of no sleep, but I'm getting annoyed. I'm in the midst of this situation that is just so damn confusing. I'm constantly second guessing myself trying to figure out whats going on so that I have the upper hand but it's just not working in my favor. I'm usually very good at figuring people out, reading them, knowing EXACTLY what to say... but every once in a while someone will come along and make me stumble over my damn words like a moron. I say the stupidest things, act silly, unlike myself and then I just want to slam my head against the wall to forget how retarded I was.
I swear when I'm not flustered I'm actually normal (well... kinda) and articulate but some people just have the ability to unravel me and then it all turns to poo at that point.
I'm to the point of deciding to actually invest some butterflies into this situation or smother them as soon as I feel them and completely do a 180 and ignore this person. It's called self preservation. Stop the awkward, uncomfortable, word stumbling idiocy and butterflies before it gets out of control and I get seriously disappointed. I try to stifle the girly over analyzing shit that we tend to do and see the facts for what they really are...


P.S school can suck it!
p.p.s I just want this stress to go away so I can go back to being happy and light hearted and optimistic!
p.p.s.s.s.s.s.s.s I am in desperate need of some de-stressing and yoga! gotta get my zen on!
namaste

*deleted*

*select, cut, delete*
had a whole blog here... revealed WAY too much, let slip some juicy tid bits, decided better against it. But it might just be worth it to write it down in my physical journal.
*bangs head against wall* I suck at Boys! The ones I want, can't have. The ones I don't want, want me.. grrrrarrrrggg *forehead slap*

So my roommate Kami and I had a really good discussion the other day about facial hair. I like guys with scruff... there's no getting around it. I find the scruffy goatee is probably my favorite... or that little bit that's right underneath the middle of the bottom lip. I don't know what it's called but I like it. I like hair that looks messy and boys that are nerdy. The thing I fall victim to the most though is the wink, I don't know what it is about the wink but it makes me feel all kinds of giddy. And as much as I HATE to admit it I get a little weak in the knees when a guy calls me babe or beautiful or doll or kid or any variation of those kinds of pet names. I know there are a lot of girls out there who hate those kinds of names but I like it, however I only like it when I'm the only one they're calling those names. If that's just how the speak to all girls then it has the opposite effect. It turns me off!
Give me a guy with good beard, who winks at me calls me babe and I'm a freaking goner! Sprinkle some guitar and a sexy voice in there and I'm in trouble!
Okay... break time over back to homework. I've got to get my mind straight... no more thinking about guys, it's distracting me from school, work, and sleep.