interesting...

Every once in a while I'll get the chance to talk with someone I haven't seen or spoken to in a while. Now when this person is a guy that I used to have feelings for it's always interesting. I seem to instantly remember the good stuff. I just recently had this opportunity and instantly I was transported back to a few years ago when we were hanging out quite frequently. I liked him, I'm pretty sure he liked me but I wont be presumptuous and speak for him and say he did but I am fairly certain. We began our back and forth flirting in the winter of 07' when I met him at a Mutual friends house party. Turned out that I knew and disliked his roommate and so we chatted. I'm sure he thought I was completely bonkers but for whatever reason he tolerated it and we started hanging out. I however was kind of a turd and very flaky with the fellas that I had a thing for. Never wanting to be tied down with any thing serious I gently kept him far enough away to avoid exclusivity but close enough to feel content. This wasn't very fair to him! He was a great guy, very patient, sweet, thoughtful, super ridiculously intelligent but not arrogant about it and to top it off he had an AMAZING beard! I still remember quite fondly the night that he came to see me while I was spending the weekend with my good friend Natalie. We walked from her house to the top of her street in the cold and enjoyed a HUGE and incredibly bright full moon. He held me close and kept me warm and I buried my face in his chest and felt safe and calm. There was another time he invited me over to his parents house and I met some of his family, it wasn't hard to see why he was thoughtful and considerate himself.
There was also the time that I went to a party with Natalie where we didn't really know anyone and through a series of stupid and foolish choices on my part needed to be picked up at 1 AM. He did so without complaining and made sure I was safe. All these things are just a testament that I was a freaking moron and took this guy for granted and I am ashamed to admit it.
Eventually we lost touch and went our separate ways and that was that. After talking with him just recently it made me realize that I've never apologized for how foolish I was and that I regret not appreciating what we could have possibly had.
This isn't to say that I wish to spark something up again just that I recognize that I was a crappy friend and even more so I made it pretty difficult on the guys that tried to date me.
Here's to living and learning and hopefully improving.
=)