Freakin Balls!!!

Something is out of sorts, amiss, awry... I just don't know what. I've got so many thoughts running through my head right now. The last two weeks have been interesting for lack of a better term. They haven't been difficult, nor easy, it's just been... interesting.
I feel like I've forgotten how to be me, or is it that I'm just going through one of those phases where I become a different version of me. Is this what it's like to grow up? I think what I'm feeling really is that I've become the best me I can become by myself and I'd like to be able to share my oddities and nerdiness, love for sushi, traveling, movies, music, non-contact sports, documentaries etc.. with someone who is just as nerdy and quirky as me. I'd like to feel that familiar feeling of knowing someone so well that you don't actually have to say anything but you still manage to know how the other is feeling or even what they're thinking at times. But on the flip side I want to be able to have the type of exploratory conversations with them like I'm on an excavating mission to find the buried treasures of their thoughts. The kinds of conversations that newly acquainted compatible strangers seem to so easily have.
Recently I've found that those types of conversations are few and far between. I used to be able to sit at my favorite coffee shop in Sugar House and have these crazy conversations into the wee hours of the night, now I either don't have much invested in the other person or they don't care two licks about me. I think the latter is more or less the case for the most part.

Blah whatever... freakin balls! I'll just continue on my merry little way and keep hummin along. A partner in crime to snuggle to and geek out with would be nice though.

Upon revision I will most likely delete this post due to the "poor me" tone... I really am not bummed by this, just slightly annoyed and impatient. My face would never give it away though. A friend of mine the other day said something that I've always known about myself... for the most part, you can't tell what is going on or how I'm feeling just by the expression on my face. His exact words were "I've already picked up on the fact that Jax's facial expressions rarely indicate what she's actually feeling at the moment" ... so true.

grrrrrr

sleep, you evil evil tease... you've left me here exhausted and yet unable to doze off. I've I liked milk I would drink a warm glass, if I wasn't such a light weight I would take something, if I had someone to snuggle up to I would probably already be out. Sleep I just wanted to let you know that YOU SUCK... but I wish you would come back to me!

I keep getting this feeling that I should start mentally preparing myself for the next Phase of my life. I keep having the strong desire to pay off every little bit of debt I have and by little bit I really mean little bit. I owe less than $500.00 total not including student loans. I really REALLY hate debt of any kind. I hate knowing that the money I work hard for has to be used to pay someone else before I can pay myself.
Along with this feeling to get rid of my debt I also have the urge to save every penny I make waiting tables and hoard it all so I have at least 5K. I don't have anything particular that I need 5K for but the feeling is there all the same and I don't think I should ignore it. That being said I'm really enjoying working at Texas Roadhouse as a server. I think part of the reason is because I get to talk to people all day long and I work with some pretty cool people too. I'm saving up all the cash I get and stowing it away so I can feel super rich holding a huge wad of green!
The only down side to working so much is I have less time for school and even less time cultivating and maintaining my close friendships. It's great to have face time with complete strangers but it's surface and not like face time with close friends. For that reason and the fact that I feel a little over whelmed with school right now I'm a little stressed out, when I get stressed I seem to get sick, particularly with a cold. Maybe it's my body's way of slowing me down because otherwise I wouldn't be able to stop myself sometimes.
With that being said I'm looking forward to the last year of my undergraduate career ( and it's been a career for sure) I can't wait to be able to start Grad school, where ever that may be. All I know is I think I need to move out of Utah and go somewhere new for a while to do grad school. I am and will always be a city girl. Every new big city I visit makes me feel like I can do anything, I don't know why I feel that way but I do. I just want to go somewhere that is culturally different than Utah. I also want to TRAVEL. Ideally would like to travel with my husband but I don't know where he is yet but when I meet him I hope he's as fond of big cities and traveling and live music as I am. I also hope he likes The Big Bang Theory and Dexter!
Why am I talking about my husband?!?! I'm not even dating anyone... I feel like I'm rambling, it must be the cold medicine! Speaking of having a cold, Halls vitamin C cough drops are freaking DELICIOUS! I feel like I'm eating candy.
Okay, time to study for my math test.... I feel like the last year of school has been nothing but one big long math test study session.