Freakin Balls!!!

Something is out of sorts, amiss, awry... I just don't know what. I've got so many thoughts running through my head right now. The last two weeks have been interesting for lack of a better term. They haven't been difficult, nor easy, it's just been... interesting.
I feel like I've forgotten how to be me, or is it that I'm just going through one of those phases where I become a different version of me. Is this what it's like to grow up? I think what I'm feeling really is that I've become the best me I can become by myself and I'd like to be able to share my oddities and nerdiness, love for sushi, traveling, movies, music, non-contact sports, documentaries etc.. with someone who is just as nerdy and quirky as me. I'd like to feel that familiar feeling of knowing someone so well that you don't actually have to say anything but you still manage to know how the other is feeling or even what they're thinking at times. But on the flip side I want to be able to have the type of exploratory conversations with them like I'm on an excavating mission to find the buried treasures of their thoughts. The kinds of conversations that newly acquainted compatible strangers seem to so easily have.
Recently I've found that those types of conversations are few and far between. I used to be able to sit at my favorite coffee shop in Sugar House and have these crazy conversations into the wee hours of the night, now I either don't have much invested in the other person or they don't care two licks about me. I think the latter is more or less the case for the most part.

Blah whatever... freakin balls! I'll just continue on my merry little way and keep hummin along. A partner in crime to snuggle to and geek out with would be nice though.

Upon revision I will most likely delete this post due to the "poor me" tone... I really am not bummed by this, just slightly annoyed and impatient. My face would never give it away though. A friend of mine the other day said something that I've always known about myself... for the most part, you can't tell what is going on or how I'm feeling just by the expression on my face. His exact words were "I've already picked up on the fact that Jax's facial expressions rarely indicate what she's actually feeling at the moment" ... so true.