Hard as Steel, Cold as Ice!

I've literally started the first line to this blog about 7 different ways so far. Erased all of them. I don't have the patience for clever words or ambiguity right now. The bottom line is my heart is still hurting, I still care about him, yes I know that's all I've been able to talk about for a while but whatever I'll keep talking until it doesn't hurt. It's almost unbearable seeing the way he looks at her, the way he wants her, I'm not quite sure I am completely convinced that those feelings aren't somewhat reciprocated on her end. And the hardest thing is having to go through my day and act like it doesn't affect me at all, it does. So I guess I'm at an impasse, what is my next move? Where is that little something inside you that guides you onto the next decision and tells you "go this way" "do this, recovery from a broken heart is this way" . I can't seem to muddle through all my options and find one that works for me. I'm starting to think I should just completely run away from this situation all together because it's not getting any better, I'm just pouring acid in an open wound (much more corrosive than salt) . I don't want him to be fake friendly and nice with me just to make me feel better, it's patronizing! I don't want her to tell me that she's never been interested in him from the beginning other than as a friend, I can see that that is not the case. You don't kiss and snuggle and do other things with someone if there's not a small little something there. I don't want to know these things but I do, it's staring me in the face constantly and I am getting to the point of complete shut down. Complete mental emotional shut down. I'm like a red glowing piece of iron that's being heated and smashed then heated to the melting point, then obliterated and hammered again. This process is going to continue until I predict that I'll become nothing more than a cold piece of steel. I'm starting to harden emotionally, after working so hard to get to that point where I let someone in and I let myself get close. I don't want to go back but I don't know how to protect myself from all this otherwise. If someone else has another way that doesn't end in me being cold and emotionless BRING IT ON! I'm willing to give it a shot!