I'm pretty sure I was over it a year ago...

Rumor has it someone from my past was not happy after the breakup.. lol Disgruntled could describe this persons overall general feeling... especially if you use the Urban Dictionary definition of the word... which I will because it fits PERFECTLY!
that is all ;-)


Disgruntled:
A grunting state of agitated displeasure assumed by egocentric engineer or sports types who are quite fond of getting their own way, by brain or by brawn, and find themselves powerless to get what they want. It is generally saved to manipulate lesser minds into capitulating to their will. Those who challenge them find this tactic pointless and extremely amusing.

the Utah way/sexy man

How do you divide your time between a sexy man and homework and a job? I guess you eliminate sleep... Done and DONE!
On another note, watching the train wreck of someones new relationship is fascinating and entertaining to me at the same time. And by train wreck I mean the fact that it's so typical Utah Mormon relationship thing that it's humorous and pathetic to watch all at the same time. But hey the ones who like to justify this type of falling in love quickly thing always go back to that standard line... "when you know it's right you just know" ... ummmm not after 3 weeks my dear... just sayin!
I need sleep but considering I get to spend some time with sexy man I'm willing to pass it up... for now.

interesting...

Every once in a while I'll get the chance to talk with someone I haven't seen or spoken to in a while. Now when this person is a guy that I used to have feelings for it's always interesting. I seem to instantly remember the good stuff. I just recently had this opportunity and instantly I was transported back to a few years ago when we were hanging out quite frequently. I liked him, I'm pretty sure he liked me but I wont be presumptuous and speak for him and say he did but I am fairly certain. We began our back and forth flirting in the winter of 07' when I met him at a Mutual friends house party. Turned out that I knew and disliked his roommate and so we chatted. I'm sure he thought I was completely bonkers but for whatever reason he tolerated it and we started hanging out. I however was kind of a turd and very flaky with the fellas that I had a thing for. Never wanting to be tied down with any thing serious I gently kept him far enough away to avoid exclusivity but close enough to feel content. This wasn't very fair to him! He was a great guy, very patient, sweet, thoughtful, super ridiculously intelligent but not arrogant about it and to top it off he had an AMAZING beard! I still remember quite fondly the night that he came to see me while I was spending the weekend with my good friend Natalie. We walked from her house to the top of her street in the cold and enjoyed a HUGE and incredibly bright full moon. He held me close and kept me warm and I buried my face in his chest and felt safe and calm. There was another time he invited me over to his parents house and I met some of his family, it wasn't hard to see why he was thoughtful and considerate himself.
There was also the time that I went to a party with Natalie where we didn't really know anyone and through a series of stupid and foolish choices on my part needed to be picked up at 1 AM. He did so without complaining and made sure I was safe. All these things are just a testament that I was a freaking moron and took this guy for granted and I am ashamed to admit it.
Eventually we lost touch and went our separate ways and that was that. After talking with him just recently it made me realize that I've never apologized for how foolish I was and that I regret not appreciating what we could have possibly had.
This isn't to say that I wish to spark something up again just that I recognize that I was a crappy friend and even more so I made it pretty difficult on the guys that tried to date me.
Here's to living and learning and hopefully improving.
=)

dissappearing people

It's odd how some people will just up and disappear or cut you out of their life for no apparent reason. There was no warning or indicator that it would happen or any notification from them that it did happen. You just notice one day that, they've surgically removed you as a friend or someone they once cared about. It kinda stings, especially when you've shared a part of your life with that person, when you were once very close and spoke with them often.
I hope whatever reason they felt they needed to remove me it wasn't because of anything I did. If it was I hope they'll forgive me for my indiscretion whatever that may be.
*sigh* ces la vie

hmmph

I haven't slept in 28 hours... I probably wont sleep until tonight and I don't know if it's the combination of stress from finals on top of no sleep, but I'm getting annoyed. I'm in the midst of this situation that is just so damn confusing. I'm constantly second guessing myself trying to figure out whats going on so that I have the upper hand but it's just not working in my favor. I'm usually very good at figuring people out, reading them, knowing EXACTLY what to say... but every once in a while someone will come along and make me stumble over my damn words like a moron. I say the stupidest things, act silly, unlike myself and then I just want to slam my head against the wall to forget how retarded I was.
I swear when I'm not flustered I'm actually normal (well... kinda) and articulate but some people just have the ability to unravel me and then it all turns to poo at that point.
I'm to the point of deciding to actually invest some butterflies into this situation or smother them as soon as I feel them and completely do a 180 and ignore this person. It's called self preservation. Stop the awkward, uncomfortable, word stumbling idiocy and butterflies before it gets out of control and I get seriously disappointed. I try to stifle the girly over analyzing shit that we tend to do and see the facts for what they really are...


P.S school can suck it!
p.p.s I just want this stress to go away so I can go back to being happy and light hearted and optimistic!
p.p.s.s.s.s.s.s.s I am in desperate need of some de-stressing and yoga! gotta get my zen on!
namaste

*deleted*

*select, cut, delete*
had a whole blog here... revealed WAY too much, let slip some juicy tid bits, decided better against it. But it might just be worth it to write it down in my physical journal.
*bangs head against wall* I suck at Boys! The ones I want, can't have. The ones I don't want, want me.. grrrrarrrrggg *forehead slap*

So my roommate Kami and I had a really good discussion the other day about facial hair. I like guys with scruff... there's no getting around it. I find the scruffy goatee is probably my favorite... or that little bit that's right underneath the middle of the bottom lip. I don't know what it's called but I like it. I like hair that looks messy and boys that are nerdy. The thing I fall victim to the most though is the wink, I don't know what it is about the wink but it makes me feel all kinds of giddy. And as much as I HATE to admit it I get a little weak in the knees when a guy calls me babe or beautiful or doll or kid or any variation of those kinds of pet names. I know there are a lot of girls out there who hate those kinds of names but I like it, however I only like it when I'm the only one they're calling those names. If that's just how the speak to all girls then it has the opposite effect. It turns me off!
Give me a guy with good beard, who winks at me calls me babe and I'm a freaking goner! Sprinkle some guitar and a sexy voice in there and I'm in trouble!
Okay... break time over back to homework. I've got to get my mind straight... no more thinking about guys, it's distracting me from school, work, and sleep.