Douche Magnet...

Why? why do I put up with crappy people? How is it that when they're being nice and sweet and paying attention to me I can forget how shitty it is when they ignore me or are cold and aloof. I'm reaching the end of it. I'm not going to waste my time on someone who doesn't give two flying shits. Seriously?! Maybe I've been too nice, too sweet, too patient... I had a guy ask me out and I said no cause I didn't feel okay about going on a date with another guy when I've been seeing him... even though he freaks out once a week about the whole "relationship stuff" and he can go several days without so much as a hi how was your day text. So why am I wasting my time on someone that barely seems interested when there's a guy who seems very interested wanting to go out. Why? I don't effing know why other wise I would have told him to go screw himself and not wasted any time on him. GRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH.

sheesh

Isn't that pause between the end of spring semester and the beginning of fall semester supposed to be fun?! ... what's it called again?!?! oh yeah, summer "break", no wait that's not right, there's no break for me... so it should really just be called summer early morning classes/work right after/homework after work work/ no time for sleep. Yeah, that's pretty much what it is. So much for the damn break. I don't get one. I'd like one but then I think I would most likely get bored. It's funny when people get confused when I tell them I can't hang out because I have homework, "didn't school get out like 2 or 3 weeks ago?" why yes, yes it did.... if you aren't a complete MORON and taking a full summer semester. FML!
No time for relaxing or boys, or anything that would even be considered fun... just math, more math, smelling like beef, overly loud country music, and once again NO SLEEP!


Someone come rescue me!

I like this

Fellas: women have been hurt in the past, your job is to be steady, consistent & to show up. She will give her heart to the man she trusts.

well... so much for that!

In life, shit happens. In my life, shit happens A LOT! But that's okay because it's not the amount of shit it's the ability to keep as much of it from getting to you as possible that counts. I like to think I do a pretty good job of not letting the shit get to me. Of course that isn't always the case but when it comes to the big things I piss and moan for a few days maybe even a week but then I quickly find something to distract myself with.
For example, this semester started out rough. Lots of homework lots of hours at WORK work and no time to just be. I started seeing a fella in February, admittedly I was all kinds of giddy and excited. I had a pretty hard crush on this guy for a while and although there were times I couldn't stand the sight of his face (mostly due to a display of arrogance and inability to keep focused for more than 5 seconds) I still couldn't help but feel that nervous, "DUUUUURAAAAH... Heeeey ya" tongue tied feeling when I was around him. So when that first "let's hangout" barrier was broken or should I say bulldozed, it was freaking rad! It changed how I interacted with him and it was exactly what I needed to keep myself sane. It was not however what I needed to do well in school.
I spent far too much time trying to hangout with him with what little free time I had and what littler free time he had that I neglected to take care of the important things... SCHOOL! Freaking sack of balls! I did manage to kick some major ass in my math class thanks to my freakish love of numbers and my massive brain ;-) but everything else just went to shit. So lessen learned, don't break the first commandment of doing well in college. THOU SHALT NOT WASTE TIME ON SEXY BOYS! (NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY MAKE YOU LAUGH). I broke this cardinal rule and now I'm paying for it. Literally, I'm going to have to take at least one class over if not two, there goes $1400 bucks down the drain. Along with it floating right there where the rest of the shit I've been through this month is said relationship with Mr. Attractive Distraction.
I could go into all the gory details of what went down and all the casualties (namely me) that resulted but I'll just leave it be. Well I will say this, some people are just really REALLY bad with timing. And also boys who get distracted easily also have a tendency to have wandering eyes, and lips, and hands... sometimes they wander all the way over to other girls. So... yeah that's that.
So up next will be a summer filled with some much needed activities that don't include any Attractive Distractions. It will be filled with the Maths which I so dearly love, rock climbing, yoga-ing ( I don't think that's really a word but we'll go with it), guitar playing, gigging out, working out, and anything that focuses on improving my health and my overall happiness, sans the boy toys. Which means I will be doing everything in my power to snuff out and smother any feelings I have left for him. Hopefully this process wont take long. Until then...

"this life is a beautiful one,
even though I've seen it coming undone
I know most definitely
it always works out the way it's meant to be
so baby keep your head up
keep it on the up and up
and know now that you've got all my...
love love love" ~tp

#'s mean nothing

.... EXCEPT when it's your age and the number keeps getting bigger.







...... OH, and when you live in Happy Valley and happen to be single.
CHEERS!

Count down....

To another year.... and so it begins. This year I'm not trying to make my birthday special for myself. If it happens it happens. I'll be content if my friends and I are having a good time just hanging out together. I don't want to think about school, work or the dating/not dating/whatever the hell you'd call it, situation.
I'm re-evaluating expectations and excepting all things and being present to what is going on now. Not what went on or what could go on... just what is. Relax and enjoy the ride... BRING IT!

signs

sometimes you really don't need to wonder or ask yourself "what the hell is going on" sometimes all you have to do is look at the evidence before you and try to comb through it rationally void of emotional investment. when you do this the answer may have been there the whole time staring you in the face but you were just too optimistic and hopeful to recognize it. I hope I never loose that foolish optimism, it sucks when your bubble is burst but it's not always the worst thing in the world.
I'm a tough cookie and very capable of brushing myself off and quickly picking up the pace and moving on. No need for hasty decisions, I'll wait it out a little bit longer but I'm not going to torture myself and be the one making most of the effort. I don't have the patience to do that anyway. Tic - Tok ...